Chapter 4, Discussion 3

One concept that I found to be the most interesting is that of defensiveness. I am interested in this concept because I have been told that I get very defensive in disputes. I, too, have recognized this about myself, and I am not proud of the way I react when faced with a conflict or argument. The text states that “defensiveness arises from the interaction of people in a situation and occurs when people have a perceived flaw that they do not want to admit and they are sensitive to that flaw” (p. 73).  I admit that I am incredibly sensitive to flaws that I see within myself, and I do get self-protective when they are noticed and criticized by someone else. However, I do not deny these flaws, and I am open to admitting to them in a conflict. Initially I retort out of insecurity, but I am usually mindful of my reasoning and share why it is that I reacted in such a way. I have found that listening on both ends is a valid tool for calming the situation and helping me to keep from feeling attacked.