Chp. 16, Discussion 3

     I've learned so many things throughout this semester that it's difficult to name them all. For example, I have learned through the chapter 3 assignment that I am nonassertive in nature, and I’d rather avoid conflicts than confront them. Lately, though, I’ve been implementing the skills from this chapter to become more assertive and confident when approaching conflict situations. I have also found that developing a mutual understanding with the other party is important to resolve conflicts for the long-term solution, and getting more insight into the relationship and the other party. Another lesson that stands out is that of mediation. I learned the meaning of mediation, and special techniques used to be successful in a discussion between two feuding parties. For example, to get full disclosure of information from both parties, privately, to be ushered into the professionally facilitated discussion, is the caucus. I also learned more about defensiveness, and had the opportunity to reflect on my own behavior. One of the most important lessons that I was able to reflect upon, however, is that of trust and forgiveness. These are two important concepts that I have struggled greatly with throughout my life, and I hope to find ways to conquer them in my present and future.

Chp. 16, Discussion 2

I liked learning the new information from our textbook, and reflecting on it through discussion. I think this is a good way to make sure that we retain and understand the lessons, and it is an interesting process. I enjoyed reading other students’ opinions and stories because it gave me multiple perspectives on the topics that I had not previously considered. Also, it was a good way for us to connect as a class since we are based online and do not get to interact much to begin with. There weren’t many weaknesses that I could think of, but, if I had to pick one, I’d say that it would be putting a twelve-hour time limit between the posts. I understand that this is to make sure that we take the proper amount of time and consideration on the posts and that we don’t hog the discussion from other students, but it was difficult to make sure to follow the limit with other obligations and homework assignments. I would suggest making the time window a little bit shorter to keep the posts spaced apart, but easier to manage. I would definitely suggest this class to other students. The class was well organized and easy to follow. I have learned many valuable tools to manage conflict through this course, and I believe that everyone can benefit from this information.

Chp. 16, Discussion 1

I believe that people have negative views of conflict because they subconsciously define conflict as a fight or defensive situation. Conflict implies that two or more people are not getting along for whatever reason, and that there may be negative tension between the parties because of this. Some people see conflict as being violent or loud, but they do not realize that it could be calm and easier to resolve if one has the right tools to do so. I certainly think that if people knew more about conflict they would fear it less. I believe this because, as the book states, conflict presents “opportunities for personal and relationship growth in conflict situations” (pg. 288). Conflicts allow for us to learn about one another, and to create a more intimate relationship through our newly acquired knowledge of each other. It requires us to take responsibility for our own actions and be able to recognize a potential conflict before it erupts, and how to better resolve it if it does. People would fear it less if they knew that conflict, when handled properly, can be beneficial and crucial to the success of a relationship.

Chapter 12, Discussion 3

   I found the idea of homeostasis in terms of relationships to be very interesting. I've heard of this term being used in scientific scenarios, but it makes sense in the relationship sense too. It seems sensical that having a goal can help to maintain the relationship because it give both parties something to strive for and work together to achieve. This is also an insightful look into why conflicts can easily arise in these types of relationships. If environmental factors get disturbed and hinder the goal from being accomplished, it causes friction between the couple. However, these conflicts help to further the progression of the relationship and make it stronger. Especially when the goal is to stay together, as with marriage, changes in important factors such as friends, family, or work can cause a conflict to arise. This then brings need to come to a resolution that works for both parties, which makes the relationship more comfortable and satisfying for hose involved.

Chapter 12, Discussion 2

     False attributions that I have made about another have exacerbated many conflicts in my life. I tend to blame other people for issues that arise, rather than realizing that sometimes things just go wrong without the fault of any one person or event. I tend to feel unsatisfied with the resolution of a conflict if it does not involve placing blame on someone or something, which I realize is immature and only makes conflicts worse. I believe this is because I subconsciously don't want to take the responsibility for my part in poor situations, or I need something to point my finger at if there seems to be no specific cause (attribution error). On the other hand, I have had moments when I have properly placed attributes onto another that has kept me away from bad influences or people that would take me down a bad path. Conversely, I have also made good attributions about people and kept close to them to have positive role models and influences in my life.

Chapters 10 & 12, Discussion 1

     For the word "forgiveness," I found a total of 55,400,000 sites. In further studying the sites listed on the first few pages, I discovered that many of them talked about the psychology and health consequences of holding grudges and the importance of forgiving someone. There were also a few sites about the Bible and its definition of forgiveness. This word had the second most results of the three terms, but I think it would have been first if it weren't for a t.v. show title that I will discuss later in this post. I believe that there were more sites on the power of forgiveness than reconciliation and revenge because it has a direct effect on our health and well-being. Forgiveness is also a skill that requires a great deal of practice and personal growth. I think it is more difficult to forgive someone as an individual than it is to work with another party to reconcile, or to find a way to seek revenge. Reconciliation is based on the needs of two or more parties, which makes it a little bit easier to determine because there are multiple people working together on the solution. Revenge is simple, harmful, and not suggested to solve an issue with another person.
     Reconciliation had 52,300,000 sites on Google, and most of them had to do with religious topics and war. I think this is because reconciliation, as previously mentioned, involves two or more parties going through the process of ending a conflict. Also, I found that the top sites on the first few pages were sites giving the definition of reconciliation. This may be because many people get it confused between words such as compromise, resolution, and forgiveness. Revenge had the most results by far, 264,000,000, but this is because there is a popular new television show with the same title. Otherwise, I think that this word would garner the least amount of results because revenge can be harmful, ineffective in solving an issue, and, in many cases, illegal. I would hope that this word would not have as many results because there are people trying to prevent potentially dangerous sites from being posted. However, the internet is a free medium that is not policed as I believe it should be, so I am grateful that the television show is dominating the Google results pages.

Chapters 9 & 10 Discussion post 3

          I think that the concept of forgiveness benefitting our physical health is interesting because we do not always consider the link between our mental and physical wellbeing, though they tend to have a large effect on one another. For example, it is fascinating how people with higher abilities to forgive also sleep better, experience lower levels of pain, lower blood pressure, and better recovery from incidents that raise blood pressure than those who have higher levels of trait-like unforgiveness. I also like the connection that Abigail and Cahn make about the fight-or-flight mechanism and physical health such as how it is meant for only short-term situations and becomes harmful when prolonged. I tend to hold grudges for very long periods of time, and I have experienced some of the side effects that the book mentions. It is enlightening to read about how unforgiveness has possibly caused negative physical consequences for me, and I now want to take greater strides in changing my behavior.

Chapter 10 Discussion

There are not many events in my life that I find difficult to forgive, but there are a few that have affected me greatly in other relationships over the years. For example, I mentioned in a previous post about trust that I had a best friend who deserted me for an awful boyfriend. Though I have somewhat forgiven her all these years later, I have taken that baggage into other friendships and have not allowed myself to trust another friend so deeply and as quickly as I did. I do not think I can rekindle our friendship, as she has tried to do recently, because there is too much emotional residue that won’t wash away so easily. It is difficult to forgive someone in this situation because there was a great deal of emotional investment on my end, which adds to the hurt of the relational transgression. It felt as though loyalty to one another was more important to me, and I couldn’t trust that she would take my side if this issue were to come up again. Forgiveness is honorable, but it isn’t always easy.