Chapters 9 & 10 Discussion post 3

          I think that the concept of forgiveness benefitting our physical health is interesting because we do not always consider the link between our mental and physical wellbeing, though they tend to have a large effect on one another. For example, it is fascinating how people with higher abilities to forgive also sleep better, experience lower levels of pain, lower blood pressure, and better recovery from incidents that raise blood pressure than those who have higher levels of trait-like unforgiveness. I also like the connection that Abigail and Cahn make about the fight-or-flight mechanism and physical health such as how it is meant for only short-term situations and becomes harmful when prolonged. I tend to hold grudges for very long periods of time, and I have experienced some of the side effects that the book mentions. It is enlightening to read about how unforgiveness has possibly caused negative physical consequences for me, and I now want to take greater strides in changing my behavior.

Chapter 10 Discussion

There are not many events in my life that I find difficult to forgive, but there are a few that have affected me greatly in other relationships over the years. For example, I mentioned in a previous post about trust that I had a best friend who deserted me for an awful boyfriend. Though I have somewhat forgiven her all these years later, I have taken that baggage into other friendships and have not allowed myself to trust another friend so deeply and as quickly as I did. I do not think I can rekindle our friendship, as she has tried to do recently, because there is too much emotional residue that won’t wash away so easily. It is difficult to forgive someone in this situation because there was a great deal of emotional investment on my end, which adds to the hurt of the relational transgression. It felt as though loyalty to one another was more important to me, and I couldn’t trust that she would take my side if this issue were to come up again. Forgiveness is honorable, but it isn’t always easy.

Chapter 9 Discussion

On Facebook, I like to present myself in a way that shows my personality, but does not give away my personal life or make me look too sleazy. I hope that people will get the impression that I am fun but still responsible and, most importantly, respectable. I do not want to represent myself as someone who is constantly partying or dressing inappropriately. Though I do not claim to be perfect in any way, I would not want to lead others to those assumptions or to have them wrongfully judge me without knowing me personally. Especially because there are many “friends” on Facebook who do not actually know us well, it is important to be cautious about what we are posting since we don’t always have the chance to change their opinions. There aren’t many times that people have posted things to my profile that I wish they hadn’t. I don’t usually “friend” people unless I know them in some way, or have a good idea of their background.

This relates to conflict and communication because, as the book discusses, “the comments made by others about a person on his or her profile are more influential in creating impressions than statements one makes about oneself” (p. 169). If people are posting things that are negative or portray a negative side of your personality, that will have a greater effect on how you are viewed than if you post a positive status yourself. Also, with cyber relationships, it is easier to avoid or walk away from conflict situations instead of dealing with them and finding a resolution. The number of friends one has also affects the way he or she is perceived by others. Oddly enough, if one has too little or too many friends they are seen as unpopular because they either do not have many friends to begin with, or they are spending too much time on Facebook out of desperation and avoidance of real face-to-face interactions. Conflicts do not seem to be as valuable through Facebook and cyberspace, and it is easy to change someone’s impression of a person by simply viewing a profile.

Chapters 7 & 8, Discussion Question 3

One concept that I found to be interesting is that of developing a playful spirit. I find this idea to be valuable, and one that I need to improve upon. Though I seem to have a light and playful spirit on the outside, I do not follow some of the techniques that the book presents, such as: Don’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong or doesn’t pan out, learn to say “no” without feeling guilty, or take on a new role which is more enjoyable than the present one. I often find that I get trapped in my negative thoughts, and I take situations too seriously. I need to learn to relax and take undesirable situations for what they are, and to try and focus on the positive aspects. Another interesting part of this concept is a technique that I found to be contradictory. It is the one that suggests hanging a sign in one’s room or workplace that reads: Success is happiness! I find this puzzling because earlier in the chapter, the book states that some people place a great deal of stress on fear of not succeeding in achieving their goals, and lose sight of the fact that they are not playing for fun. So, if one feels as though he/she is not succeeding in something and it is causing him/her distress and unhappiness, why should he/she put up a poster equating success to happiness? I found this to be confusing and conflicting to the previous section.

Chapter 8 Discussion

The answer to this question, for me, depends on the situation and the context of the angering event. If there is an issue that I have been keeping to myself for a long time and building frustration about in my head, I am more likely to blow up when the issue arises again. Also, if it is an issue that I feel strongly about, I am more likely to react with more emotion. I rarely express anger calmly, but when I do, it is usually in a situation regarding someone who I do not know very well or someone who is of authority. I feel that it is more difficult to express anger with someone who could form an opinion of me in that moment because they do not know me well enough, or someone who is in a position of power. Sometimes, I do not express anger at all when I feel that the situation is helpless and/or too overwhelming. If the issue is reoccurring, I sometimes get too mentally and emotionally exhausted with the topic that I shut down. Blowing up out of anger or not expressing anger at all usually makes the situation worse because nothing gets resolved. It is difficult to have a conversation when one or both parties are acting irrationally, or if the issue does not get addressed and is ignored. Reacting calmly can lead to a conversation where both parties can vent their frustrations and try to find a mutually beneficial resolution.  

Chapter 7 Discussion

     The first of the three solutions is to change our attitudes with which we approach our daily tasks. This means to find joy in the work and school tasks that I am trying to accomplish. For example, when doing a homework assignment, I can focus on the knowledge I am gaining, rather than the fact that I am doing homework. While reading our textbook, instead of saying “I’m doing homework,” I can say, “I’m learning about how to manage my stress”. The second solution is to see work as a type of play, and work as if we are at play. I interpreted this as having a light attitude and not taking myself as seriously. I usually have trouble with this solution, because I see getting good grades and accomplishing my work as an absolute must, and it causes me a great deal of hyperstress when I have multiple tasks to complete at once. The third solution is integration, or recognizing that joy and pain are often found in the same place and are valuable. When I find that I am struggling at work or school, I need to remember that though I am having a hard time at the moment, I will find joy in that activity again and I need to power through.