Saturday, September 22, 2012
Chapter 4, Discussion 1
I
find it quite difficult to stop a conflict, because I tend to get defensive
very quickly without analyzing the situation. I get emotional and sensitive in
conflict situations, and I react automatically whether I feel it is for damage
control, or to defend myself against the other party. Sometimes I find that it
is best to walk away from the conflict for a bit to gain some perspective on
the issue at hand, and to gather my thoughts and organize a response that is
more effective and beneficial for both parties. I like to reflect on a situation
when I am away from the other person involved in the conflict, because then I
can delve into my true emotions and opinions without feeling like I am being
affected by the other person’s presence or input. I also like to listen to
music for a bit, or watch TV to distract myself from the topic and have a
chance to calm down. This way, I am more likely to approach the subject in a
more rational and efficient way.
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Just like you, emotions and sensitivity are my biggest barriers to stopping a conflict. They also put me in to a defensive posture. In an ideal world we would always be able to walk away to reflect on the issue, but I find that it can be hard. Even when I successfully disengage from the issue I sometimes find it hard to reengage when it seems easier to just let the issue die. Sometimes, if I can recognize that the issue was petty, then it is probably best to just forget it. There’s a lot to be said for picking your battles, especially in a long term relationship, be it romantic, family or professional.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s interesting that you like to be distracted from the problem in your time away. My wife is the same way, and it used to bother me. I know better now, but I felt like she didn’t care about whatever the issue was and that she was dismissing it. I like how our book specifically said that we should make clear that we want to come back to the topic later when we’re disengaging. I’m sure I need to be more conscious of that too.