1.
I
find that I have often tended toward a nonassertive communication style in the past, but I have recently been changing and developing into the assertive style of
communication. In a previous post, I said that I am passive-aggressive, but I
used examples of nonassertive behavior. After reading this chapter, I now
understand that I am NOT passive-aggressive, but nonassertive in many cases. I
find that I would rather avoid conflict, and try to appease others in tense
situations. I also prefer to avoid conflict altogether, and to accommodate the
desires of the other person while concealing my true feelings and opinions.
This is not as true of my behavior now as it was a matter of months ago, but I
still catch myself being submissive to avoid tension or anger from another
person. I do not like to “make waves,” as it is referred to by the textbook. These characteristics are certainly stronger when it comes to friends, boyfriends, and co-workers/bosses. This
was especially true of a retail job I had in the past. The girls who I worked
with were inexplicably rude and neglectful of me, but instead of standing up
for myself I would be very submissive and try to win their attention and
recognition by sucking-up to them and avoiding my true feelings. I used to come
home and cry and wonder what I did to deserve this poor treatment. At meetings,
the managers would praise me for my success with customers and my ability to
communicate well with people who seemed to have difficult personalities. But,
when we were actually on the job together, they would ignore me, talk through
me, and be incredibly condescending. They would not socialize with me like they
would each other. It was this experience that forced me to quit the job, stop
the emotional abuse, and begin to communicate in a more self-respecting way.
Recently, I have adopted a more assertive
communication style. I have begun to claim my basic communication rights by
refusing requests, and saying no to things in which I do not want to participate, without feeling guilty. I express my own feelings, opinions, and needs
in a way that does not hurt the other party, but still allows my voice to be
heard. I am becoming more comfortable with confrontation when I feel that I am
being mistreated, or if I have a strong opinion about a matter. I am also
stronger when it comes to having an open conversation about an issue that is
bothering me and allowing for a dialogue with the other party. If I feel there is a problem, I am not as afraid to assert myself when it involves people with whom I have close relationships or people in authoritative positions. I understand that being more assertive can be much more beneficial to all parties involved rather than simply avoiding the conflict. I know I still have a great deal of work to do, but what's most
important is that I am finally standing up for myself.
Hello HaleyA, you did a great job with your response. I liked that you discussed what you have learned about your communication style since reading our assigned text. You discussed how you had originally thought that you were passive-aggressive, but after reading further into our text you realized that you were nonassertive. I experienced that kind of realization as well. The more I read our book, the more I find myself thinking “I’m more this way, or I’m more of that way” with my communication style. It is really interesting because prior to starting this class I felt I was one specific way, only to later find out that that is not the case. Great job this week!
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